POPCORN EXTRA

 

POPCORN EXTRA:

By Jim Szantor

Long before the 1987 movie of the same name starring Kevin Costner, “The Untouchables” was a prominent Sunday night TV show that, along with the absence of recording devices, was for many "appointment viewing" long before that term came into vogue.  It ran from 1959 to 1963 and made a household name of Robert Stack, he "of the grim presence and ominous narration” (Wikipedia's words) as the leader of a cadre of lantern-jawed federal agents who were said to be never tempted or tainted by corruption. 

In the TV series, Eliot Ness’ archenemy, Al Capone successor Frank Nitti (played by Bruce Gordon), was killed off four times during the series. But Gordon was so popular with the show's viewers that he was resurrected each time.  (I hope he hit them up for a raise for each resurrection! Talk about timeless appeal!)

Adding to the series’ appeal was the presence of these actors (some of them yet unknown) as supporting players: Patricia Neal, Elizabeth Montgomery, Lee Marvin, Robert Redford, Ruth Roman, Brian Keith, William Bendix, Telly Savalas, Peter Falk, Jason Robards, Lee Grant, Charles Bronson, James Coburn, Jack Klugman, Barbara Stanwyck, Claude Akins, Tim Considine, and Rip Torn.

Oh, and one more that can't be omitted: Frank (Sgt. Carter in “Gomer Pyle”) Sutton!  He played a gangster who gets offed in the final scene, strangely enough . . . clutching a military medal!  Weird.

According to Independent Movie Data Base: In the last year of the series, producer Quinn Martin bowed to pressure groups such as the Italian Anti-Defamation League and tried to replace Italian surnamed villains with others [almost comically so—you all surely remember the notorious bootlegger/hatchetman Frank Wilson--JS]; but the top-ranked series was canceled after four unforgettable years.

To measure the quality of "The Untouchables" against most other series is impossible; its scenes have far more power than those of almost any other series; the series always had first-rate production qualities, acting, writing and directing. It holds a very high place in U.S. film history.

(I always wondered where they got all those old classic cars—a seemingly endless supply-- that were always getting smashed up, shot up or burned up.  Did they fix them up somehow (where did they get parts?) or have a secret source of others?)  There was too much realism in the wrecks and gunfire involving them for models to have been used.

But that would be looking at this phenomenon through the lens of modern days.  Back when the show was filmed, those cars weren’t probably that rare, as one fellow states below, and there were more of them around than I ever thought.  A modern-day equivalent would be your uncle's 1998 Camry.  Old?  Sure, but hardly an antique and hardly the only one of that vintage still on the road.

But this much I learned from internet browsing:

--After the cars and trucks were wrecked on “The Untouchables,” they were dumped on the back lot, The 40 Acres, of Desilu Studios.  That’s Desilu as in Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, of course, making the show quite a leap from the sitcom they are most known for. 

--It's hard to believe they had no respect for these old cars in the 1960s when this show was filmed. But then again, they were using old sedans mostly and not anything that even at that time would have been considered "rare." Nonetheless it still was an incredible waste of historic property.

--"I've seen Essex, Chrysler, Cadillac, Buick and Lincoln cars on the show, along with others. Ness and the boys used an Essex a lot," one show observer states.  "There's one episode in particular--don't recall which one--but one of the “old sedans” rolled over and burst into flames! Only problem was, when it started to roll over, it suddenly became a 1950s sedan with dual headlights! It looked like an outtake from the movie “Thunder Road” with Robert Mitchum! That gangster series went through a time warp somewhere!"

--Nowadays a lot of the crashes, etc. are computer generated. Recalls another "Untouchables" fan: "I watched something akin to that one time; they could scan an old car and could place it wherever they want. They would use any modern car in a scene, say it’s for a ‘50s movie, then click on the car moving down the street and go into the database and pick out the car they want, say a ‘55 Chevrolet, and voila, the car driving down the street changes into the ‘55 Chevy. They do the same with pedestrians, buildings etc. Amazing."

Mafia backlash: According to testimony from Aladena Fratianno, (aka "Jimmy the Weasel"), a Mafia boss-turned-FBI informant, the Chicago family of the Mafia ordered the assassination of producer Arnaz, because they didn't like (a) the fact that the success of the show was focusing attention on the Mafia and (b) the show's portrayal of Italians. Fratianno said that two hitmen hid themselves near Arnaz's house one night waiting for him to show up, but he never did. Shortly afterwards, the assassination order was rescinded when it was realized that Arnaz's murder would cause the Mafia more trouble than it was worth.

Errata: The opening credits for the fourth season show a book open to a page that reads "The Untouchables, 1929--1933". This contradicts the chronology of several episodes set in 1934 or 1935.  But if you can resurrect a dead mob kingpin four times, this seems like a very trivial gaffe.

But there's more fact-fudging: Several episodes show Frank Nitti taking over control of the Capone organization immediately upon Capone's conviction for tax evasion. Nitti actually was also convicted of tax evasion and sentenced to 18 months in federal prison; he wasn't able to assume control of the Capone organization until his release late in 1932.

Lastly, I will gladly do my impression of Robert Stack as Eliot Ness, (inspired by the one done expertly by Dan Aykroyd in an "Untouchables" sendup on an "SNL" program hosted appropriately enough by Desi Arnaz himself), which usually goes something like this:

“Alright, Nitti—the jig’s up!  I’m going to hang you out to dry—you and all your pals.

“Rico, Hobson, Youngfellow!  Check all the floors, the cars, the attic, the garage . . . he might have some of his other goons hiding around heeeeere.”

(The boxed set of all four seasons of the show on DVD is still available on Amazon for $74.99.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENTS

What they're saying about Jim's provocative blog:

--"A man who's afraid to Google himself because he's afraid he'll go blind!”—Woody Allen

--"If only I had half his popularity!"--Taylor Swift

--"I'd pay anything to make this go away!"—Donald Trumpd Pecker

--“If you like stuff written by a man who has to read the instructions on a toothpaste tube, go right ahead!”—Stephen Colbert

--"The only column that should come with a warning label.”—Steve Martin

--"I love it when he says he doesn’t always agree with everything he says.”—Joe Biden

--"The one thing I didn't delete from my private server."--Hillary Clinton

--"Jimaschizzle!"--Calvin Broadus, Jr. (aka Snoop Dogg)

--“Acerbic comedy without the annoying aftertaste!”—Jimmy Kimmel

jimjustselling . . .

Actually, I'm not, but the good folks at HenschelHAUS are.
https://henschelhausbooks.com/product/lol-i-gags/


The book is also available at:

http://www.amazon.com/LOL-i-Gags-One-liners-irreverent-opinions-observations/dp/1595983368/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406350559&sr=1-1&keywords=Jim+Szantor

POPCORN

 BY JIM SZANTOR

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric 

and whimsical observations about

 the absurdities of contemporary life 

***************************************************************************

--I was a teenage Civil War Re-enactor.

--Nothing exceeds like excess.

--Shortly before Thanksgiving, we entered what I call the “because of the holidays” default alibi/excuse/copout for anything that hasn’t been done, may not get done, and is slow to arrive, despite there being but a mere three days that that constitute what all this inefficiency or just plain slackingoffmanship/paralysis engenders.   

So from late November to Jan. 2, the country is in the grip of this commerce-motivated Ramadan that seems to get worse every year.  (And how many people attend church services on the day that all this dithering is all about? Even though they spent 20 minutes looking for a mall parking space and multiple hours inside the mall looking for a "perfect gift" that may be returned on Dec. 26?)

--Shocker: Here all along I assumed that Taylor Swift’s endorsement of Kamala Harris pretty much sewed things up.  Who thought it would be Joe Rogan . . . for the other candidate? Apparently a scruffy podcaster’s fans “trumped” all those “Swifties.”  You know, the folks who listen to someone for free (or a relative pittance) instead of spending thousands for tickets and travel, etc., to that woman's performances.

Shocker No. 2: A Dec. 1 news story states that Belgian sex workers have gained the right to sick days, maternity pay and pension rights under the first law of its kind in the world. (Slap forehead here!)

--All those who think Donald Trump will last the entire four years, wave your MAGA hats. 

--Political speech I'd love to (but probably never will) hear:  "Win or lose, I promise to have all of my campaign signs and posters taken down the day after the election."

 --During the election season, I heard a lot of blather about the economy.  I see the glass as half full what with all the new businesses sprouting up across America.  All of them seem to have the same name, Space Available.  (Must be a new chain. You know, sort of like those Starbucks that seem to be on almost every block.)

--I'm so old, I knew Captain Kangaroo when he was a lieutenant

--Faded Phrases: When's the last time you heard someone was "in cahoots" with someone?  Is being “in cahoots” illegal?  (“The defendant was charged with Cahooting in the 1^st Degree”.)

--Overheard: "If you rob a bank, it's called a felony; if the bank robs you, it's called a service charge."

--Three TV shows I never watched:  "Project Runway," "Total Divas," and "Babe Winkelman's Outdoor Secrets."

--jimjustsaying's Word That Should Exist But Doesn't of the Month:  Buyercade.  n.  That plastic or rubber bar that separates your items at the checkout from the others.—“More Sniglets,” Rich Hall and Friends.

--"Blood is thicker than water, and much more difficult to get out of the carpet."--Woody Allen

--Count me as one who never paid heed to the Surgeon General’s warning about smoking. Heck, I’ve smoked three packs a day for 47 years, and there’s nothing wrong with my lung!

--"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius.  A genius is someone like Norman Einstein."--Joe Theismann, former NFL quarterback and commentator.

DRUDGING AROUND:  Iran slashes age of consent to 9 YEARS OLD . . . 14-year-old boy killed-himself to get closer to a chatbot. He thought they were in love  . . .  Can electricity cure our ills? . . . Inside rampant open-sex market where British grandmas go . . . Friends die in Tesla as electronic doors wouldn’t open after crash . . . LED lights on bottom of surfboards may deter shark attacks. (Thanks as always to Matt Drudge and his merry band of aggregators.)

--Literary note:  My high school graduating class had a Jane Eyre and a Thomas Wolfe.  (Can he go home again?)

-- Never eat at a place called Mom's, never play poker with a man named Doc, and never admit to having owned a beanbag chair.

 --Words you see in print that no one ever uses in ordinary speech:  “Bevy,” “passel,” “matriculate.”

--Life was simpler when the color of your car didn’t sound like the color of your wife’s favorite nail polish.  (“Hey, Ralph, what color is your new car?” “Um, I think it’s called Crystal Quartz Metallic.” “Oh.”)

--The only thing I like about country music are the titles.  Favorite: “If the phone don’t ring, you know it’s me.” (Gordon Cormier, lyricist.)

--Updating the opera: “The Stylist of Seville.”  “The Pre-nup of Figaro.”

--If you can tell te difference between beige, tan, bone, off-white, ivory, khaki, ecru and sand, you’re a woman.

--If you flush out your water heater annually or vacuum behind your refrigerator, you are either super-efficient or have way too much time on your hands.

--People always say “bad news (or deaths) come in threes," but they never define the time limit.  If two celebrities die tomorrow, and the next one six weeks—or four months--from now, does that count as the third?  Where’s the cutoff?

.--Strange-ism but Truism of the Week: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin Lookalike Contest in a theater—and lost!

--Redundancy Patrol: "Combine together," "brief summary," "completely annihilate."

--Finally, science backs up my contention (as stated in my "LOL-i-Gags" book) that bacon is the asbestos of the food world.

--Bacon, ham and sausages rank alongside cigarettes as a major cause of cancer, the World Health Organisation has said, placing cured and process

--It seems as if there's an app for everything these days--for everything you only do once in a while but few if any for what you do daily.   Where, for instance, is the bedmaking app?  The dishwashing app?  The clothes-folding app?   The tooth-flossing app?  The world is waiting.

--I have never had a good feeling about paparazzi.  But cover it with a lot of pesto sauce and Parmesan cheese, and it's not half bad!

--Biz Speak System Flush:

--You know, it's a jungle out there.  Especially when the movers and shakers keep moving the goal posts instead of leveling the playing field, while the rest of us have to have a multitask mind-set while fighting a never-ending learning curve.  So all you can do is hit the ground running, play hardball when you have to step up to the plate, and at the end of the day, pick all the low-hanging fruit. But try not to drink the Kool-Aid!

Let's face it, the fat cats have us on an emotional roller-coaster, no matter how much they try to downsize the elephant in the room.  So we'll cut to the critical mass, take stock of the benchmarks and the Big Picture and come to the realization that we must go back to the drawing board and massage the price point.  But by all means, always try to think outside the box but do not put all your eggs in one basket--assuming it's actionable and not a paradigm shift.  Get granular, by all means, before you run it up the flagpole and put it in the pipeline. It is what it is.  

TODAY’S LATIN LESSON:  Post exacte 15 annos haec est ultima Popcorn columnae.  Gratias omnib! (“After exactly 15 years, this is the last Popcorn column.  Thanks, everyone!”)

Thanks to this month’s Popcorn intern, Hugh Briss