Sunday, February 3, 2019


By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations 
about the absurdities of contemporary life
  • As much as I dread another polar vortex, I think I'd be more concerned about a bipolar vortex.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
  • Copbmwy, skizntrit and wazlstirn: (Just thought I'd report the latest Verification Words I had to type in to e-mail some articles to a friend.  I'm sure you enjoy doing that as much as I do.)
  • I'm not just having senior moments, I'm having a senior year!
  • Poor Donald Trump:  He was born with a silver foot in his mouth!
  • When did guys start getting haircuts that look like the barber had a seizure  . . . and kept on cutting?  
  • There will never be a Mitch McConnell Lookalike Contest.
  • I keep getting Ivanka and Melania Trump mixed up.  One is the First Daughter and the other is the First Arm Candy, but I can't remember which is which.
  • Now that we're in the era of destination weddings, how far off are destination funerals?
  • Made all of your President’s Day plans yet?  There’s still time.
  • Maybe we should have a Vice President’s Day too.  You’d still have to go to work, but you wouldn’t have to do anything.
  • President’s Day is nice and all, but who really looks forward to it---aside from government workers?  I propose a holiday that would hold more satisfaction for the rest of us: Turnabout Day, based on "turnabout's fair play."  A way to correct a power imbalance we all endure.
  • On Turnabout Day—and you’d get to pick your own date each year—your doctor would have to get naked in front of you, and your accountant or financial adviser would have to show you his or her tax return!
  • I don't like action flicks, special-effects movies, sci-fi extravaganzas, costume dramas, outrageously lame sequels  or Adam Sandler.  In other words, I don't go to the movies.
  • jimjustsaying's Word That Doesn't Exist But Should of the Month: "Magnagram." n.  Any sign that takes on new meaning when one of its magnetic letters falls off.--"More Sniglets," Rich Hall and Friends.  (As in _RUG STORE.)
  • "Mr. Cohen served as rabbit of the synagogue for many years." (Duluth, Minn. Tribune) via "Still More Press Boners," by Earle Tempel.
  • The Chinese Zodiac place mat  at the restaurant said I was a weasel based on the year I was born, and when the waiter found out, he made me pay in advance!  (Needless to say, I didn't tip in advance!  Weasels tend to be notoriously forgetful . . . .)
  • If you drink two five-hour energy shots, do you get 10 hours of energy? Or five hours of double energy?--Kendall Baker, Axios
  • As more and more stores go cashless and even cashier-less for the sake of efficient checkout experiences for customers, a clear group will be left out: the poor, and, in particular, unbanked people who may have low credit or work jobs that only pay in cash. --The Atlantic
  • There are people--and they know who they are--who don't really laugh at jokes as much as they sign off on them.  ("Yeah, that's funny . . . .")  You could call it the CEO Syndrome.  (Or fill in your own uncomplimentary word before Syndrome.)
  • Redundancy patrol:   "Advance warning," "basic fundamentals," "closed fist."
  • Miguel Rodencito.  That, if you haven't already guessed, is "Mickey Mouse" in Spanish.  (Literally, "Michael Little Rodent.")
  • (Sponge Bob Square Pants?  That would be Esponja Menearse Plaza Pantalones! Who else would tell you these things?)
  • Why do snack foods like potato chips have actual expiration dates on them . . . and food items like crackers and cookies have some indecipherable code?  Who makes these decisions?  Did Congress pass a Consumer Confusion Act when we weren’t looking?
  • What's the difference between an epoch and an era?  (Maybe an era is an epoch that got more ink.)
  • As a public service and a great time-saver, here is jimjustsaying's  "Privacy Notices Made Simple":
  • "We can do anything we want, and you can't do anything about it, unless your battery of attorneys is bigger than ours.  Thank you and get lost."
  • Eightieth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary: Lark, Wis.. (R.I.P., Ramond C. "Chuck" Schmitt, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Nov. 1, 2017).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose, Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek,  Mountain, Ledgeview, Lunds, Suring, Lakewood, Beaver, Cloverleaf Lakes, Krakow, Pella, Townsend, Vandenbroek, Coleman, Spruce, Armstrong Creek, Lake Gogebic, North Chase, Navarino, Pequot Lakes, Buchanan,  Rio Creek, Humboldt, Mill Center, Carlton and White Potato Lake.
  • Today's Latin lesson:  Is dico may exsisto recorded pro palaestra voluntas.  ("This call may be recorded for training purposes.")