Monday, August 18, 2014

POPCORN

By Jim Szantor
  • Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life
  • Latest fortune cookie received:  "In all matters of opinion, you always say it better."  (You could say that there was a very nice takeaway with my very nice takeout.)
  • Whatlet:  An electrical plate on the wall with no holes and consequently no purpose whatsoever--Rich Hall, "Unexplained Sniglets of the Universe."
  • I  imagine that Americans who aren't into soccer probably aren't that wild about rugby, either.  (I'll say this much--I've never heard of a rugby riot!)
  • If there's auto racing in England,  do they drive the wrong way there, too?  (I'm just askin'.)
  • How come the clothes hooks are so often missing inside the fitting rooms at stores and the "facilities"  just about everywhere?
  • Has any company ever had a worse year than Malaysia Airlines?
  • jimjustsaying's Dog Breed of the Month (courtesy of Milwaukee Journal Sentinel July 29 classified ad for Pets, Dogs, etc.:  Aussiedoodles  (Mini & Standards).  Who knew?
  • I wonder how impressed would-be employers are with job applicants with "online university" degrees.    (Those degrees are probably better than no higher education at all, but, me, I'd probably prefer someone with an "offline degree."   I'mjustsayin'.)
  • I'm starting to get nervous about those West Bank bombings. Time to close our account there!
  • Another in a series of jimjustsaying's Occupations No Child Has Ever Aspired To or Fantasized About:  Phlebotomist.
  • Three mysteries I often ponder:  The real story of the JFK assassination, the real story of the Jimmy Hoffa disappearance, and the appeal of NASCAR and Sponge Bob Square Pants.
  • I'd probably watch more TV if they went back to doing more live shows with live commercials . . .  like the ones where the dogs didn't eat the dog food or the vacuum cleaner didn't vacuum up what it was supposed to vacuum up.   That was reality TV, my friend.
  • Introducing jimjustsaying's GoldenRule 2.0:  Treat others the way they treat you after you have  treated them.
  • Morning in America:  Planes are being shot out of the sky, random gang violence is making some big cities all but unlivable, and people are still sneaking into the express line at the supermarket with more than 12 items.  Not sure which of these things would be easiest to fix and not so sure it'd be the third one.
  • Faded phrases:  "Hang up the phone," "roll down the window" and "flip through the channels." 
  • Next time I hear a policeman says, "Nothing to see here, folks, move along," I'll be tempted to ask the lawman, "If there's nothing to see here, why are you here?  Couldn't you be doing something more worthwhile with my tax dollar?  Therefore, you should move along!"  
  • Overheard:  "My boss in on vacation this week, and so am I."
  • Trash talking:  My wife and I were talking about a female friend of hers and her, er, significant other.  (Actually, in this case, insignificant other.  I'm just sayin'.)
  • jimjustsaying's Faded Word of the Week: Haberdashery
  • You can tell a lot about a person by whether they prefer hard-shell or soft-shell tacos.
  • Newspaper "Correction and Clarification" of the Year:
  •  "In Wednesday’s A+E section, the Nancy Black horoscope column erroneously stated how long Jupiter remains in Leo. The duration is 13 months.  The [Chicago] Tribune regrets the error."
  • News item:  A black bear showed up at an Olive Garden restaurant in Eau Claire, Wis., around 4:45 p.m on July 11.  He ( . . . or she . . .) must have heard about the Early Bear Special.
  • Baseball Prank for the Ages:  The picture on California Angels' infielder Aurelio Rodriguez's 1969  baseball card is actually a photo of Angels' batboy Leonard Garcia, who duped the Topps photographer.
  • Wish I'd said that: "Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance."--George Bernard Shaw
  • Jargon Word of the Week:  Reliefography.  Reproduction of artworks using digital scanning and 3-D printers.  Said to produce near-perfect copies of classic paintings, Wired magazine reports, down to the texture of each brushstroke.  Fakes are selling for as much as $30,000 in Asia.
  • Fifty-fifth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary:  Black Creek. (R.I.P., William Tesch, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, July 21, 2014).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose. Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction and Thiry Daems.
  • Today's Latin Lesson:  Es vos guys etiam opus in ut?  ("Are you guys still working on that?")

jimjustsaying's Top Eleven List


11 campaign slogans that won't work for
Hillary Clinton "if" she runs in 2016:

   11.  Richly deserved


   10.  Going for broke

     9.  "Hard Choices," easy money

     8.  I love Gucci

     7.  The Free Speech candidate

     6.  It takes a villa . . . 

     5.  Buy one, get none free

     4.  The national debt?  It's on me!

     3.  It's my party and I'll run if I want to, run if I want to . . . 

     2.  Margaret Thatcher 2.0

     1.  Bill bakes the cookies this time!