Sunday, December 15, 2013


By Jim Szantor
Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life.
  • jimjustsaying's Dating Advice:  Never date anyone who has a rehab center or a disease named after them.
  • The End of Civilization As We Knew It: Las Vegas has now become a popular destination for a new type of party celebrating a different milestone: a divorce. Party planners, USA Today reports,  are increasingly adding divorce parties to their repertoires because of the increased demand from men and women alike. 
  • The End of Civilization As We Knew It  Headline of the Week:  "'Duck Dynasty' carols outselling Britney Spears."
  • I have the feeling that this may be the first decade in history that will never undergo a revival.
  • "Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and, if he turns into a dry-fly catch-and-release angling fanatic up to his liver in icy water wearing ridiculous waders and an absurd hat. . . ."--P.J. O'Rourke
  • When I ask people if my hair is normal, oily or dry, I get three different answers!
  • When JFK was slain, LBJ was sworn in as president within the hour.  Magazine subscription changes of address:  "Allow six to eight weeks."
  • Whatever happened to gravity boots?  Were they against the law?
  • Now that we have plasma TV, is intravenous radio far behind?
  • The spate of workplace shootings must have  bosses in mortal fear of (a) not hiring someone (b) hiring someone and having to lay them off (c) hiring someone and not giving them a raise or promotion (d) turning the ignition key in their car.  Moral:  It's a good time to be retired.  You can be a mere bystander employee and still get hit in the crossfire.  (Not to mention a kid in school!)
  • What will happen first:  The first colony on Mars or the first Manson Family member to be paroled?
  • The war on drugs hasn't been a total bust:  I had a cat who said no to catnip.
  • I may be the only baseball player in history who was sent from Little League tryouts directly to the Old-TImers' Game.  
  • Quick now:  Who played in the last Super Bowl?  
  • Geico lizard, your visa has expired and your plane is now boarding.  
  • (How did they decide on a Cockney accent in the first place? If you do an Internet search for "Geico lizard," you get an astounding 210,000 hits!  The loathsome lizard  was initially voiced by Kelsey Grammer, followed by broadcaster Dave Kelly, and is currently voiced by Jake Wood.)   
  • Three more of jimjustsaying's fading words:  "flapjacks,"  "corset" and "the clink" (as in jail).
  • Best saying that ever surfaced in the fabled Sixties:  "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."
  • I dreamt that the Moscow Ballet performed "Dancing With the Czars."
  • Pandora Internet Radio is the greatest invention since sliced bread--and more fulfilling.
  • "When you are done changing, you're done."--Benjamin Franklin
  • Newspaper Obituary Headline Nickname of the Week:  "Six-Six."  As in Bruce "Six-Six" Benhoff," Kenosha News obituary, Dec. 2, 2013.  R.I.P., Mr. Benhoff.
  • Forty-ninth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary:  Neopit.  (R.I.P. , Marlo King,  Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Aug. 23, 2013).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton and Wild Rose.
  • Another of jimjustsaying's list of Stupid Warnings on Actual Products:  On a Korean kitchen knife:  "Warning: Keep out of children."
  • Today's Latin lesson:  Propinquus occulto pro offensio.  ("Close cover before striking.")