Wednesday, July 2, 2014


By Jim Szantor
Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life.
  • Piling on:  Saying that Hillary Clinton is "tone deaf" is a bit like saying Lance Armstrong had a credibility problem. (But, hey, in all fairness, she never strapped a dog to the top of her car!)
  • Why doesn't GM just list the cars that haven't been recalled?
  • News item:  A black bear shows up at an Olive Garden restaurant in Eau Claire, Wis., around 4:45 p.m on June 30.  Maybe he heard something about an Early Bear Special.
  • I had a dream in which a guy in India had a problem with his computer and got an American guy when he called tech support!   (And, no, neither party could understand the other one, either.)
  • I don't care what the courts decide, but same-sex marriage won't have arrived until you see same-sex married couples cozying up in Coke/Pepsi, McDonald's and Chevy/Ford Truck commercials.  Or in the Kodak Moment-type commercials.
  • Just finished my martial-arts course.   Black Belt?   Brown Belt?  Well, actually, I was awarded the Pink Suspenders.  (But, hey, ya gotta start somewhere!)
  • You know you're dealing with an old-timer if he says he was looking through his billfold while sitting on the davenport in his dungarees.  That was after he "raided the icebox."  (To name a few words that have passed their sell-by date.)
  •  You want Dextrose with that?  It's not an option,  but it adds the natural sweetness that the blanching of McDonald's french-fried potatoes removes.   (Kind of hard to work into a conversation, but there you have it.)
  • Jargon Watch:  A gynosome, according to Wired, is a female penis that is unique to Brazilian cave insects.  The spiked organ becomes erect when the female mounts the male, holding him captive for up to 70 hours of copulation.   ("Not the next 2.91 days, dear--I have a headache!")
  • I'm rooting for O.J.Simpson to get released on parole so he can resume looking for the real killer.  Because, obviously, no one else is . . . .
  • I'm glad the Pope finally officially issued a condemnation of the Mafia.  (Let's just hope there isn't a puff of smoke that the rest of us aren't anticipating, if you get my drift.  I'm just sayin'.)
  • Some foods smell better than they taste.  Some foods taste better than they smell.  And some foods are best tasted and smelled by someone else.
  • "Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing."--Chris Rock
  • If you didn't partake of the free breakfast or dinner buffet at the motel, you passed up food that you're going to be paying for when you check  out.
  • "Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."--Don Herold, in
  • I enjoyed that Patagonian Toothfish dinner I had last night.  (OK, it said Chilean Sea Bass on the menu,  but who would order it under its real name?)
  • Sibling rivalry dept.:  No U.S. president, Mental Floss reminds us, was an only child.
  • Bumper sticker:  Lawyers have feeling, too (allegedly)
  • There will never be a band with a bagpipe, an accordion and a harp (and if there is, I hope the courts will provide injunctive relief.)
  • Overheard:  "My twin brother forgot my birthday."
  • jimjustsaying's Media Word of the Week (a word encountered only in the print or broadcast media and never used by an actual person in real life): "chide."  As in, "The President chided the media for its coverage of the VA scandal."
  • I experience a mix of amusement and irritation when someone ahead of me at the checkout counter pulls out a checkbook.  (Nobody ever has to get a debit-card purchase okayed by the customer-service person!)
  • "We constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare running out of money? What's interesting is the first group 'worked for'  their money, but the second didn't."--The Vent, Atlanta Journal Constitution.
  • Newspaper Obituary Nickname of the Month:  "Binky."  As in Donald Leo "Binky" Binkowski, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, June 22, 2014.  R.I.P., Mr. Binkowski.
  • Today's Latin Lesson:  Commodo dico tergum per ordinarius res hora.  ("Please call back during regular business hours.")