Sunday, October 7, 2012

POPCORN


BY JIM SZANTOR
Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life:
  • When a guy "pops the question," is the woman supposed to "pop the answer"?  (I'm just sayin' . . .) They never address that part of it.
  • I like to go for fall color drives at night.  Much less traffic!
  • Doesn't it strike you as a bit odd if not off-putting that two men who are running for the presidency have to have three days of intense "debate prep" before the so-called "debates" (a.k.a. extended stump speeches with opponent present)? 
  • The issues are known, the problems are known, and the opponent's "talking points" and criticisms are known, so shouldn't these two people be able to speak extemporaneously and knowledgeably about all this without having to cram like two frat boys who have loafed away the semester?  Downright demoralizing to this voter.
  • Speaking of politics, who made the decision that all TV anchors and commentators should pronounce "candiDATE as “candiDIT”?  (What dit is the election?  Do you have a dit for Saturday night? )
  • Misnomer note: There's no such thing as a lead pencil.  They're made of graphite.  
  • Much was made recently of firemen from a Wisconsin town wearing pink during a breast-cancer fundraising event.   How did this color come to be co-opted by the female sex and virtually verboten for the male sex?  (If there's a color that "real women" aren't supposed to wear, I don't know of it.)
  • "At times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."--Paul Harvey
  • Jim's Law of Car Buying:  Never buy a used car with more than six bumper stickers on it!
  • I like sweet potatoes--and their being loaded with beta carotene is a nice bonus.  (Frankly, I prefer alpha carotene, but, hey--that's just me! That's just me!)
  • "A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works."--Columnist Bill Vaughan on Forbes.com
  • All-Overrated Club, Comedy Division:  Carrot Top, Gallagher and Ricky Gervais.  (Ray Romano and George Lopez can wait in the lounge till something opens up.)
  • Something to chew on:  The number--40 percent.  The fact--That's how much of the food produced in the U.S. ends up in the trash.  So says a new report by the Natural Resources Defense Council. (It comes out to 20 pounds per person per month.)  
  • "If you can't explain it to a 6-year-old, you don't understand it yourself."--Albert Einstein
  • Redundancy patrol:  "Free giveaway."  I think there's only one kind of "giveaway" . . . and there's no payment involved.  If it isn't free, it's NOT a giveaway!
  • You can always tell a pompous person by how often they use words like "juncture"and "scenario."
  • Do people still buy perfume or cologne?  If so, why?  All you have to do is subscribe to a magazine or have a charge account at a department store, and you’ll get all the scent products you want absolutely free.  You don’t have to have a perfume or cologne budget; all you need is a mailbox.
  • (What are you wearing, dear?  Is that Polo Musk?  No, It’s Men’s Health, September issue!)
  • Ridiculous Product Warning of the Week:  On a calendar: "Use of term 'Sunday' is for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied."
  • Forty-fourth entry in the Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw it Mentioned in a Newspaper Obituary sweepstakes:  Stiles, Wis.  (R.I.P., Linda Marie Johnson, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary,  Oct. 4, 2012.)  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore and Tonet.
  • Obituary Headline Nickname of the Week: Ted “Cassanova” (sic)  Dudek,  Kenosha News obituary, June 14, 2012.  R.I.P., Mr. Dudek.
  • Morning in America:  Jobs are scarce, the weather is miserable and we encounter headlines like " 'Delirious' Blood-Covered Naked Man Selling Candy Kills Motel Worker In Violent Rampage."  It actually happened in a small town (Tracy) in California.
  • Another in jimjustsaying's series of Media Words, words you see or hear only in print or on news broadcasts and never, ever hear anyone use in real life:  "hustings."  (As in, "The candidates have once again taken to the hustings for another round of campaign speeches.")
  • Political Quote of the Week: "Mitt Romney . . .  acts instead as if he learned his foreign policy at the International House of Pancakes, where the menu and architecture rarely changes.--Thomas L. Friedman in The New York Times
  • Overheard:  "It's "i" before "e," except after "c" and, of course, after "w," as in Budweiser."
  • Today's Latin lesson:  Quis pessimus ut could venio?  ("What's the worst that could happen?")