By Jim Szantor
Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations
about the absurdities of contemporary life
- Few things in life are more satisfying than an easily peeled hard-boiled egg or plugging the charger into your device the right way the first time.
- I love it when I get a flier or a catalog addressed to James Szantor or Current Occupant. Nice to know I'm interchangeable with somebody who doesn't exist. Makes me want to send a blank check to THAT company.
- As for the other kind of mail: I'm seeing more and more legitimate e-mails winding up in my Junk or Trash folder; e-mails that never went there before. (Where is Occupant when I really need him?)
- But the tech "support" people--a most peculiar lot, oftentimes--will probably tell me it's something I'm doing wrong. (Or else they trot out that catch-all copout--the proverbial "glitch"-- and hide behind that.)
- Will self-driving cars have to pass a driver's test? By a person or . . . .?
- And what if a self-driving car bought in Miami is "driven" to Minnesota in January. Will it suddenly know how to drive on snow and ice? (If you're thinking, as I am, that this idea hasn't been thought through fully enough . . . .)
- Memo to all stores selling vitamins and OTC products of all kinds: Stop placing bar code stickers and the like over vital product (such as Directions) information. Look for a better place; there usually is one. Obviously the lowly paid clerks don't know better or, even worse, don't care, so they slap them on any old place.
- “Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.”--Educator Laurence J. Peter
- Drudge Report Link of the Week I: "Psychopaths make the best doctors." https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/psychopaths-make-best-doctors-because-20561310
- Drudge Report Link of the Week II: "Controversial fecal transplants gain traction." https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7597947/Controversial-fecal-transplants-brought-relief-50-IBS-sufferers.html
- Overheard: If you suddenly discover that you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room!
- “An artist’s job is to bite the hand that feeds him, but not too hard.”--Artist Nam June Paik
- jimjustsaying's Media Word of the Week (a word you rarely if ever hear a real person use in real life): "Presumptive."
- Q--What do Abe Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson and FDR have in common? A--They were all nominated in brokered conventions.
- (A brokered convention is not likely these days, experts say, because a Johnny Come Lately candidate would have a mere 10 weeks to organize and raise funds against a well-fortified incumbent president with a two-year head start. )
- Speaking of politics: "We always want the best man to win in an election. Unfortunately, he never runs."--Will Rogers, quoted in TownHall.com
- A dozen internet "click bait" items you may have missed:
- These '70s child stars are unrecognizable now/30 Frank Sinatra lovers you've probably forgotten about/15 outfits Mom needs to stop wearing/10 worst-looking cars of 2019/Why millennials aren't having any sex/Mafia holds Rome hostage--with garbage/6 things your earwax says about your health/What going gray early can tell you about your health/10 foods that zap your energy/6 things psychologists know that you might not/Do you really need to cover the toilet seat with paper?/What to do if your car doesn't fit in your garage.
- Redundancy Patrol: "Component parts." "Free gifts." "Foreign imports."
- jimjustsaying's Consumer Tip of the Month: Drinks are higher at a "lounge" than they are at a "bar," "tavern" or "saloon."
- (And If you're having as much fun as the people in the beer commercials, you're having a great life.)
- Which kind of pasta eater are you: A twirler or a cutter? (I cut my spaghetti but twirl my meatballs!)
- jimjustsaying's Party Ice-Breaker of the Week: "Say [actual party-goer's name here], did you know that the average American flushes the toilet five times a day, which comes to 5.7 billion gallons of clean drinking water down the toilet every day?"
- All-Over-rated Club: Paul Simon, Rod Stewart and Mick Jagger (Lifetime Achievement Award).
- Eighty-sixth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary: Rothschild, Wis.. (R.I.P., Phyllis M. Van Lieshout, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Aug. 18, 2019). Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose, Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville, Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek, Mountain, Ledgeview, Lunds, Suring, Lakewood, Beaver, Cloverleaf Lakes, Krakow, Pella, Townsend, Vandenbroek, Coleman, Spruce, Armstrong Creek, Lake Gogebic, North Chase, Navarino, Pequot Lakes, Buchanan, Rio Creek, Humboldt, Mill Center, Carlton, White Potato Lake, Lark, Scott, Newal, Biron, Menchalville and Underhill.
- jimjustsaying's Product Name Suggestion of the Week: For a weight-watcher variety of dairy product: Not-So Cheese.
- Overheard: "It's "i" before "e," except after "c" and, of course, after "w," as in Budweiser."
- Today's Latin Lesson: Quis pessimus ut could venio? ("What's the worst that could happen?")
