Monday, May 24, 2021

POPCORN

                                                            By Jim Szantor 

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations 
about the absurdities of contemporary life 
  • Think you’re as plugged into the world of technology as the average teen or pre-teen? If so, you’re commonly using words like digerati, nagware, meatspace, screenager, vidiot and my favorite, mouse potato.
  • Another reason to hope the pandemic ends soon: No more Zoom interviews on TV.
  • First, the lip movement and the sound are often out of sync, and there’s another distraction. I’m calling it Zoom Voyeurism, and I plead guilty to try reading the book titles on the seemingly omnipresent bookshelves behind the interviewees . . . . or passing judgment on the d├ęcor, such as it is.
  • Result: I usually have no idea what was said or by whom about the Middle East crisis; all I know is that the interviewee had a fairly complete Ernest Hemingway collection next to a bunch of old wine bottles of unknown vintage. So, no pun intended, I learned virtually nothing from the whole exchange.
  • Overheard: “Always answer the door with your coat on. If it's someone you like, you can tell them you just got home. If it's someone you don't like, you can tell them you were just leaving.”
  • Faded phrases: “Hang up the phone, “roll down the window” and “flip through the channels.”
  • Three things I’ve never worn: A string tie, an ascot and a pocket watch.
  • Redundancy Patrol: "Close proximity," "mix together," "serious crisis."
  • jimjustsaying’s Word That Doesn’t Exist But Should of the Month: Neutron peas: n. Tiny green objects in frozen dinners that remain frozen even when the rest of the food has been microwaved beyond recognition.--"More Sniglets"--Rich Hall & Friends
  • All Over-Rated Team (in this case, the G Team): Whoopi Goldberg, Jim Gaffigan and Greg Gutfeld.
  • Drudging Around: 53% of people kiss their dog more than their partner . . . Cops: Girl, 12, arrested for selling stun guns to middle school classmates . . . Elephant kills zookeeper with blow from trunk . . . Online funerals, Zen apps keep Buddhist temples afloat . . . Florida back to normal: Pantless man found pleasuring himself in public with pickle . . . Shock: Man confesses to killing grandfather, pulls ears from pocket during questioning . . . Man caught raising sharks in basement swimming pool . . . Shock: South Florida veterinarian charged with child abuse, has sex with dogs, feds say . . . Animating dead relatives with AI cathartic or creepy . . . Lonely chimps at zoos take to Zoom to connect during lockdown . . . ‘Godzilla’ monkey sent to Fat Camp . . . Restaurant says it won’t serve people who stink of marijuana . . . Nike sues over Lil Nas X ‘Satan Shoes’ with human blood in soles . . . Inside death-streaming craze where You Tubers pay to watch death, humiliation . . . Cops: Naked man strolling street doing ‘walk of shame’ for cheating on wife . . . Who is that? 40% don’t recognize self in mirror due to stress . . . Custom male sex robot has women swooning . . . Study: People trust computers more than other people . . . Doing laundry “Highlight of Week for bored . . . Dozens of bodies found in ex-policemen’s garden . . . Groundbreaking smart toilet takes photos of ---- to send to doctors for analysis. (Thanks, as always, to Matt Drudge’s merry band of aggregators for this month’s jaw-droppers.)
  • Why is it that a woman can wear any piece of men's clothing (pants, suits, ties, pajama tops, whatever) and nobody bats an eye . . . but if a man wears any article of women's clothing, people question his sanity and/or his sexual proclivities? (I'm just sayin'.)
  • But overall (no pun intended), women have been the victim of more double standard practices (and in far weightier areas) than have men. (Painful to admit, alas, but undoubtedly true.)
  • I strongly suspect that people who are refusing to wear masks during the pandemic are probably the same people who never give you a courtesy wave when you let them into traffic . . . or never let YOU into traffic.
  • jimjustsaying’s Party Ice-Breaker of the Week: “Say [actual party-goer’s name here], did you know that Princess Diana had a Beanie Baby created in her image?” (First editions of said item are said to be going for the princessly sum of $600,000.)
  • "Something new under the Miami Beach sun: Matching water skis and baiting suits for frisky femme athletes.”—New York (N.Y.) Herald Tribune via “Still More Press Boners,” by Earle Tempel.
  • Wise words: Some people feel more alive when they travel . . . because at those times sense perception--experiencing--takes up more of their consciousness than thinking. They become more present. Others remain completely possessed by the voice in the head even then. Their perceptions and experiences are distorted by instant judgments. They haven't really gone anywhere. Only their body is traveling, while they remain where they have always been: in their head."--Eckhart Tolle, "A New Earth."
  • jimjustsaying’s Newspaper Obituary Nickname of the Month: “Slippery.” As in, James H. “Slippery” Sake, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, March 31, 2021.
  • Today’s Contemporary Latin Lesson: Ego sententia nos erant in haud dico album! ("Hey, I thought we were on the no-call list!")