Sunday, September 13, 2020


                                                               By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations 
about the absurdities of contemporary life

  • Why all of a sudden have so many people started saying “No worries” instead of “No problem”? Who flipped the switch . . . and why?
  • I have an income idea for people robotted or Covid-19'd out of a job: Start your own business, one that will fulfill a need in today's Amazonian world, such as: A Deluxe Package-Opening Service. "Bring your thick-cardboarded, densely blister-packed, heavily Syrofoamed or overly packaging-peanuted/cottony padding-laden container to us, and we will open it for you and dispose of all the overpackaging material (recycling where possible). No muss, no fuss, no paper cuts! You'll be glad you did!"
  • Remember when the only part of voting that you worried was the result?  . . . When California was considered a cool place instead of red-hot fire zone?   . . . When you couldn’t remember the last time you wore a mask?
  • I think I'd vote for a politician who'd say:  "I'm gonna lie--all politicians do it.  But I promise, if elected, that I'm gonna hold it to a minimum.  I'm not going to lie as much as that other guy!"
  • Sometimes I feel like a Polaroid in the Instagram of Life.
  • jimjustsaying’s Quiz Question of the Month: What do Russia, India, Mongolia, Myanmar, Kazakhstan, North Korea, Vietnam, Nepal, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan, Bhutan, Laos, Tajikistan and Afghanistan have in common?  (Answer below.)
  • Eeriest quote ever, considering: “Everything’s going to be okay in the end.  If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”—John Lennon
  • jimjustsaying’s Party Ice-Breaker of the Week:  "Say [fellow partygoer's name here], did you know that Robert M. Pirsig, author of the best-selling  "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values," once wrote technical manuals and ads for the mortuary cosmetics industry?"
  • Drudging Around: Welcome to hell: “Sex slave” priest found dead at New Jersey home . . . Fluffy the human slayer?  FORD unleashes robot dogs . . . Scientists accidentally create new kind of fish . . . Nursing homes keeping residents’ stimulus checks for themselves . . . Cigarette smoking makes comeback during pandemic . . . Man who stole lottery tickets tries to cash winning ticket at same store . . .Extreme-tattoo addict has ears removed to look more like a skull . . .Study finds sperm quality worse for men using smart phones, tablets at night . . . Urinating woman seen performing “sex acts” on street . . . Professor confesses she lied about being Black: “I cancel myself” . . . Woman glues up own vagina in attempt to frame husband for crime . . . Woman sentenced to 30 years for taking, sharing nude photos of 1-year-old . . . Cop receives lifesaving transplant—from woman he saved . . . Man spends hours in box filled with ice cubes . . . Mafia leader swallows guard’s finger in jail fight . . . Mexican who wrote about crime found beheaded . . . 1 sperm donor, 36 children—mess of lawsuits . . . Vegas turns ghost town where even strippers put up signs saying, "Sorry, we're clothed."  (Thanks as always to The Drudge Report’s merry band of aggregators for this month's batch of forehead-slappers.)
  • jimjustsaying’s Word That Doesn’t Exist But Should of the Month: Laminites. n. Those strange people who show up in the photo sections of new wallets.--“Sniglets,” Rich Hall and Friends
  • All those who thought Channing Tatum was a woman, raise your hands?
  • I was saddened to hear how mean and abusive Ellen DeGeneres is/was to her staff.  But not surprised.
  • Whatever happened to John Boehner?
  • Redundancy Patrol:  Absolutely necessary, depreciate in value, fuse together.
  • jimjustsaying’s Media Word of the Week (a word you only see in print or hear on radio/TV and never hear a person use in real life):  Spearhead ("The attorney general will again spearhead the investigation.")
  • Overheard: “The first computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.”
  • “I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”—Mitch Hedberg
  • Quiz Question Answer: (All 14 of those countries border China.)
  • “Neither of the youths was insured enough to require hospitalization.”—Seattle Times, via “Still More Press Boners,” by Earle Tempel.
  • Product Choice Explosion Tip:  After you find a toothbrush (or similar item) you really like, buy a few more soon because if you wait, the packaging will have changed and you'll never be able to find it again.  Or if you can, the "new and improved" version will be new but not improved.  In fact, it may not be half as good.
  • jimjustsaying’s Obituary Headline Nickname of the Month:  Hoot-Hoot. As in Gary “Hoot-Hoot” Vandenhouten, Door County Daily News, Aug. 21, 2020.  R.I.P., Mr. Vandenhouten.
  • “No two persons have read the same book.”—Edmund Wilson
  • Once I have a key, I can't bear to throw it away, no matter how long it's been since I used it and can only hazard a guess as to what it unlocks.  (You, too?)
  • Today’s Latin Lesson:  Non curarum.  (“No worries.”)

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