Monday, April 2, 2018


By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life
  • There are 49 different kinds of food mentioned in the Bible.  (I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that cheeseburgers, burritos and pork rinds are not among them.)
  • jimjustsaying's Party Ice-Breaker of the Month: "Say [actual partygoer's name here], did you know that the inside of a cucumber is often 20 degrees hotter than the surrounding air?"
  • It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
  • Speaking of children, I don't understand all these school-closing "snow days" we had this winter.  Because you go to the gym, the library, the mall, and what do you see?  Wall to wall kids!  It's not like the school closing kept them safely at home, so aren't they're better off on the school bus and in the school instead of individually heading out into the very same elements they're supposedly being "protected" from?  
  • Yes, but when the school is closed, then it's the parents' fault, not the school's, if Johnny gets run over by a snowplow.  That's probably what it boils down to.  So why not call it what it is:  Liability Day.
  • How far are we from having "heat days" when it's  95 and humid in mid-May? (I'm just sayin'.)
  • Overheard:   "I went to a TGIF party.  It was BYOB, and I had enough VO and JB to send me to AA with the DT's!"
  • "People like to 'hate-watch' things.  People are very cynical. That's a much more fun way to watch television."--"Peter Pan" star Allison Williams  
  • (Hate-watching is watching a show or movie you suspect you will emphatically dislike, for the purpose of being able to talk about how much you disliked it, either during the program (on social media) or afterward, according to Brandon Ambrosino of
  • What do butterflies get when they're nervous?  Gorillas?
  • Sports note from psychologist Ken Ravizza, Ph. D.: "Peak performance isn't about being in the zone; it's about getting a job done with what you have.  The phrase I use is, 'Comfortable being uncomfortable.' 
  • People who say "ek cetera" instead of "et cetera" should be beaten with one of Don Imus' discarded string ties.
  • I'm always irked by people born in this country who stubbornly cling to their "ethnic heritage"--beyond the point of familial pride but to the point where you wonder why they're here in the first place.
  • Furthermore, if you "consider yourself German" . . . but have never been to that country or can't speak more than five words of that language, how "German" are you?  And why are you reluctant to call yourself what you are--an American?  I'm just sayin'.
  • Speaking of which, did you know that the two predominant ethnic groups in Toronto are Italians and Chinese?  Surprised me, too. (Hey, would a tour bus driver lie to me?)
  • "How can two countries empathize with each other when in one, most of the adults are starving, and in the other, most of the adults are dieting?"--Sydney J. Harris
  • One-of-a-kind creatures: Animals that sunburn (the pig), the insects that do not sleep (ants), the bee that dies after stinging (working honeybee), the bird that hibernates (whippoorwill), the snake with actual teeth, not fangs (coral), the animal born with horns (giraffe), and the snake that attacks without cause (African mamba).
  • The global village hits home:  The flash drive I just bought came with instructions in—count ’em—18 languages.
  • Oops:  The Week Magazine recently used a photo of a 1930s "NRA" pin to highlight a Briefing on the history of the National Rifle Association. The pin shown was actually for the National Recovery Administration—an agency created by President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal.  (In all fairness, a rare gaffe by the normally rock-solid Week but funny nonetheless.)
  • jimjustsaying's Media Word of the Week (a word you see only in news reports and never, ever hear a real person use in real life):  Gambit
  • Eighty-fourth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary:  Menchalville, Wis.. (R.I.P., Ruth D. Willman, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, March 12, 2018).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose, Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek,  Mountain, Ledgeview, Lunds, Suring, Lakewood, Beaver, Cloverleaf Lakes, Krakow, Pella, Townsend, Vandenbroek, Coleman, Spruce, Armstrong Creek, Lake Gogebic, North Chase, Navarino, Pequot Lakes, Buchanan,  Rio Creek, Humboldt, Mill Center, Carlton, White Potato Lake, Lark, Scott,  Newald and Biron.
  • jimjustsaying's Word That Should Exist But Doesn't:  Doork.  n.  A person who always pushes on a door marked "pull" or vice versa."  "More Sniglets," Rich Hall and Friends.
  • "Silas Morton and his wife have just returned from hunting bare in the mountains of Colorado for the past week."--Las Cruces (N.M.) Daily News.
  • Today's Latin lesson, Baseball Division: Vos can't lucror lemma totus. ("You can't 'win em all.")

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